(Source: mdmateam, via notwithoutsyn)


"which position are you interested in?"

"trophy wife"

(via llamas101)

  • while eating food: hell yassss ne regrats i feel alive nobody can stop me now
  • the aftermath: shit im so fat why did i have to do that why can't just fucking say no god what's wrong with me, etc.


bf: come over
me: dont u have a period?
bf: we’re gay
me: oh yeah

(via applevevo)


This pie is dry.

The greatest last words in TV history. (via between-the-oaks)

(via inspirationbyinvitation)


you’re not allowed to wear a cotton t-shirt unless you’re a true fan! do you go to the fields and look at it? do you appreciate the agricultural implications of a gigantic cotton industry? do you understand the harvesting process? name 5 cotton harvesting machines. didn’t think so

(via pizza)


i envy people that come up with witty comebacks on the spot because i’m gonna need at least a 3 day notice 

(via applevevo)


don’t underestimate me. i’ll wear sweaters in the summer. i’ll eat like eighteen gallons of ice cream in the winter. fuck the temperature. i don’t give a fuck

(via applevevo)


i am too young to have this many embarrassing memories

(Source: trashboat, via pizza)

(Source: slvtco, via undouxvenin)


i want a threesome with zac efron and dave franco is that too much to ask

(via game-of-boners-and-alphas)


hey could you hold this for me a second *gives you my hand*

(via pizza)


is it data or data

(via applevevo)


if you kiss my neck and bite my lip your pants are coming off.

(Source: panducky, via pizza)